be still

We’ve been in Morocco for less than a week and ever since our plane touched down, my mind has felt like it’s been running a mile a minute. I described it to a few of my teammates as having “a head full of sticky notes”. A bunch of tiny, colorful pieces of paper stuck all around the sides of my mind- consisting of everything from reminders to questions, college planning, things I need to talk to people about, and anything else you could think of.

All of this felt fairly manageable (and by “manageable” I mean I found it very easy to distract myself and keep moving), that is, until last night. Tired and overwhelmed, my head was swirling and in a flippant rush, I picked up my phone, laptop, airpods, and book, and handed it all to my teammate saying, “don’t give me any of this back until Thursday night at this time.”

I woke up today still feeling like I had those neon sticky notes all over my brain and slightly irritated at my decision to get rid of everything for the remaining 36 hours. Throughout the course of today, I found myself patting my pocket for my phone, wanting to read my book, and needing to listen to music. I truthfully don’t think I’ve ever felt so bored in my life (might be an exageration, might not be) but through this experience the Lord has been so patient with me.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “she gave up her laptop and yet she’s posting a blog?” Well allow me to explain myself…

As I was sitting with the Lord today, I was slapped upside the head with a conviction:
I don’t truly know what it means to be still and I have become more attune to the noise of the world rather than the voice of God.

I wrote in my journal:

“My thoughts are swirling and without my phone, airpods, laptop, and book- the noise feels amplified. It’s like I have nothing to distract myself from my thoughts, nothing to busy myself with. I hate how addicted I’ve become to being fed by constant music and entertainment. Lord, forgive me for tuning your voice out with the constant feedback of the world around me. May my hands stop seeking something to do, my ears stop searching for noise to listen to, my head stop thinking up distractions, and my heart stop pursuing other lovers. Let me not be concerned with time, how much I have or how much I’ve spent; keep me from checking the clock as if I have somewhere more important to be or as though I’m counting down to any other moment besides meeting you face-to-face. Teach me to find rest in the One who brought me to a land I did not labor for, a city I did not build; and feeds me from a vineyard & grove I did not plant. (Jos. 24:13).”

This brings me to why I currently have my laptop out, writing this blog. After sitting with the Lord on this matter, He graciously told me, “I want you to know my voice. It is perfectly fine if you want to remove these distractions but you don’t get to fast solely out of irritation, frustration, or a state of being overwhelmed.” So I pulled all of my stuff back out of the so-called hiding spot where my teammate had put everything and I decided to actually invite the Lord into this fast.

I will be restarting my “distraction fast” after prayerfully seeking the Lord on what He is asking me to remove and for the duration He is asking me to remove it for, but all of this to say, God is our good Shepherd and He wants us, as His sheep, to know His voice. If you feel like the noise around you, or even in your own head, is consuming your time, energy, and thoughts, I encourage you to sit with the Lord and ask Him to tune your heart to hear His voice over the noise of the world.

I know this wasn’t a typical ministry update but rather just something the Lord has revealed to me that I wanted to share. Rest assured, a regularly scheduled blog should be coming sometime soon…hopefully 🙂