grace upon grace

This blog isn’t just a ministry update but rather a testimony of the goodness of God in my own life lately. To hear more about our time here in Guatemala so far, check out my last blog post, “iBienvenidos a Guatemala!” 

“For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1. Throughout training camp and our time here in Guatemala, I’ve known that this verse is Truth, but I wasn’t walking or living as though it is true. I had a spirit of condemnation; focusing more on how unworthy I am of Christ’s love, rather than how, because of Christ’s love, I am worthy. 

As we started our ministry here in Guatemala, thoughts of “why would God choose me for this?”, “I’m so undeserving of His grace”, and “how can I be serving in this capacity with the past mistakes I’ve made?” swirled my mind. I was fighting an uphill battle in terms of my identity. Was I going to believe that I’m free or still a slave to sin? Washed clean by the blood of the Lamb or still covered in the filth and dirt of my transgressions? Made new in Christ or still walking in the image of the world? It felt like a game of tug-of-war.

Then one night, our team and another team went to Worship Room, which is the worship portion of our ministry. All of the music was in Spanish so I sat on a bench and prayed because I couldn’t understand much of it. I thumbed through my Bible and made it to Mark 14-16, and I was simply in awe of what happened next.

I vividly recounted a time when I sat on my bedroom floor, spring of freshman year. I grew up in church but at the time didn’t have a true personal relationship with Christ. Since I did grow up in church though, I felt the need to start reading my Bible because that’s just what you’re supposed to do. So, I sat on my bedroom floor and opened up to the book of Mark. And as I read, it just made no sense to me. I read and read but it just didn’t mean much to me. Fast forward to sitting on the bench at Worship Room, and I understood everything those three chapters in Mark were saying, because this time, I have a personal relationship with Christ. This time, I knew the Word, not just the words on the page. I sat in awe, and am still in awe, of the beauty and transformation that true relationship with Jesus can bring.

As I finished reading, the speaker at Worship Room invited anyone struggling with their identity in Christ to raise their hand, and so I did. One of the ladies from our ministry came over and prayed with me and as she continued to speak truth over me, it felt as though a burden was being lifted.

The next morning during my quiet time I read Isaiah 5. Verse 18 says, “Woe to those who drag iniquity with cords of deceit and pull sin along with cart ropes” and all I could think was “how heavy of a burden we no longer have to bear!”

I no longer have to drag my iniquity or pull my sin along with cart ropes. My identity is that of washed clean, made new, set free, beloved, chosen, and so much more. All because of my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Yes, on my own, I am unworthy. But thankfully, I am no longer on my own. 

Yes, I don’t deserve His grace. But thankfully, He loves me so much that He shows His mercy to me regardless.

Yes, I’ve made mistakes. But thankfully, He is the one that turns my scarlet sins white as snow (Is. 1:18).

Thank you Jesus for your grace, your love, and the freedom you allow Your children to walk in!